For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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