Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
