Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
