well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
