Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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