last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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