So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
