Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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