I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
