I wish life had little blips of pornography
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
