i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
