Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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