I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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