You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
