Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When are your genitals available?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
