I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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