Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
