Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
