I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
