You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
