well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize