I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
