See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize