He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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