he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
