i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize