he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have fence marks all over my body
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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