the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize