And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Fuck appropriateness.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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