i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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