Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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