you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
