He is an equal opportunity slut.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize