btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
