It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
