if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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