no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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