Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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