Define "chronic" masturbator.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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