boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
