btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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