I could make wine with my vomit
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
