He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
