My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you remember whose house we're in?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
