You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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