just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
