it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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