Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
