Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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