Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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