so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
