...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
