How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
