just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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