I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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