So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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