I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
