i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
