I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
