i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
