so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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