I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize