Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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