Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had to coat check the pizza.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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