i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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