Duck Duck Cougar?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
