I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
