first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
