How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
