half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
