I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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