We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize