We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
