is your mom at the bar?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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