i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
