I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
