He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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