how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
