So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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