...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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