sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
