I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
