afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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