Pants 0. Shit 1.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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