I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize