rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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