why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Boobs speak an international language.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
