We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
