Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
how does that bad decision feel?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
